November 16, 2007

Craptocracy: C. Van Carter covers the election

I often feel amiss because, unlike all the other bloggers, I'm having trouble getting interested in any of the countless Presidential candidates, other than Obama (who at least has a felicitous prose style). Fortunately, C. Van Carter, author of the unique Across Difficult Country blog, is meeting all your electioneering news needs with his blog Craptocracy. A sample:

Amusingly named journalist Foon Rhee reports Mitt Romney has received the endorsement of fellow cultists The Osmond family. What took them so long?

At a campaign stop at Google headquarters in Silicon Valley Sen. Barack Hussein Obama compared his “metoric rise” to that of Google’s. What could Barry possibly mean by that? Does he really think Google got to where it is today by being black? Maybe he does.

Signs of John McCain’s mental decline were evident at a campaign event in South Carolina after an American patriot asked John McCain “How do we beat the bitch?". Instead of correctly answering 'with a stick,' the doddering Senator incoherently replied:

"That's an excellent question," he added. "I respect Senator Clinton. I respect anyone who gets the nomination of the Democratic Party."

Later McCain further reminded voters he’s a tired old man by recycling a tired old joke from the 1990’s about CNN standing for the “Clinton news network”.

In Charleston, South Carolina Fred Thompson awoke from a nap mumbling something about wanting “a "million-member" ground force that includes 775,000 in the Army and 225,000 Marines,” but fell back asleep before explaining why. In unrelated news, Canada's oil reserves are now second only to Saudi Arabia.

Hillary Clinton arrived in Las Vegas for a Democratic debate. Despite the proximity of the Vegas Strip, the boring former first lady said she was too busy to do any gambling, drinking, or dancing, and would instead spend most of her time in her hotel room prepping for the debate and having lesbian sex.

Rudi Guliani is also in Las Vegas. At a brief appearance he criticized the Democratic candidates for having “impractical ideas” then headed out for dinner with some friends.

Exactly as experts warned, Senator Hillary Clinton is using her outward resemblance to a woman to deflect legitmate criticism (or "playing the gender card", as all the original thinkers in the mainstream media describe it).

DC is buzzing like a great big buzzy bee with high murder rate and a Washington monument about a major sex-scandal involving one of the Presidential candidates. There is some speculation the scandal involves a lesbian affair between Hillary Clinton and her aide, the suspected Saudi Arabian intelligence asset Huma Abedin. (Some theories are even stranger.)

People love little Denny Kucinich and his wife, at least until they find out he's running for president.

More from Craptocracy here.

My published articles are archived at iSteve.com -- Steve Sailer

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mitt Romney has received the endorsement of fellow cultists The Osmond family.

All of them? There's like 200 of them. Given the nature of the Osmond family, not that hard to believe, though.

Signs of John McCain’s mental decline were evident at a campaign event in South Carolina after an American patriot asked John McCain “How do we beat the bitch?".

Now, now. At the last debate John McCain told what was quite possibly the funniest joke of the entire race. It was probably planned out in advance, but who cares. The man got a standing ovation for it and - forgetting all that I despise about the man, much of it immigration related - he damn well deserved it.

Anonymous said...

Awesome find, Steve. He has a nice post on the front-runners, too:

Rudy Guliani

Not bright, Mayor Guliani is a cancerous former lawyer who frequently expresses a desire to bomb people. It’s obvious from his record he’s a liberal who thinks his desire to bomb people makes him a conservative (i.e. he’s a neocon). During his most recent divorce he publicly humiliated his wife and children, demonstrating how he feels completely unconstrained by public opinion, the concerns of family, the doctrines of his church, and common moral decency. No man unconstrained in such a manner is fit or deserving to wield power, let alone vast the vast power of the Presidency. A frequent cross dresser, Guliani seems to enjoy having his crazy wife boss him around. Legitimate criticisms of him will be deflected by invoking the 911 attacks.

Anonymous said...

Carter should know that Edwards was Kerry's running mate, not Gore's. I know you love Carter but in general, I never really found him that funny.

Anonymous said...

Electing the wife of a former President is something done in second and third-world countries.

Electing a black man head of state is something done in third world countries.


Well isn't that what we're in the process of becoming? So if either Hillary or Senator Hussein Obama is elected I guess that would be our grand coming out party.

Mayor Guliani is a cancerous former lawyer who frequently expresses a desire to bomb people. It’s obvious from his record he’s a liberal who thinks his desire to bomb people makes him a conservative (i.e. he’s a neocon).

The perfect summation of Giuliani and his politics.

Ali said...

C. Van carter makes the internet worth inventing.

He does need to have more picture of smoking hot women, smoking.

C. Van Carter said...

"Carter should know that Edwards was Kerry's running mate, not Gore's"

Ha! That's right. I got my non-entities mixed up. Maybe I'll fix it.

Anonymous said...

Do you want entertainment? Tune into Leno (well, at least when the writers aren't striking). Want a competent discussion of policy? Carter is not your man.

What's remarkable is that except for McCain (who's Amnesty backing sunk him) Republicans have ALL had to endorse enforcement/fence policies.

And there are real policy differences between parties and candidates.

Dems are running to the HARD HARD LEFT on foreign policy -- as bad as Ron Paul. Obama made the idiot statement that he will achieve national security because he Grandmother sleeps in a mud hut besides Lake Victoria, and he grew up in Indonesia. Kucinich wants a Dept. of Peace to replace the Defense Dept. The others (except for Biden) put faith in talking a lot to people who are our enemies and toothless/ineffective UN/EU.

On the Rep side, Fred wants to restore the Clinton "Peace Dividend" cuts to the military and get back to Reagan era spending (around 5-6% of GDP instead of the current 3.5%). Justification for this is self-evident -- to preserve the conventional military option to respond to security threats.

Rudy flirts with the "I'll nuke em if I have to" and offers both an end to PC considerations in intel-enforcement and proven management experience.

Romney positions himself as the "toughest" on Illegal Immigration and points out Rudy's past support for Sanctuary Cities (Romney wants to penalize them). He and Fred are the only major candidates who want to build a physical fence.

More fundamentally, the Rep Candidates to various degrees (McCain an exception) offer Big Government aimed at doing things for or to the benefit of the middle class. While the Dems offer Big Government to the benefit of their wealthy-ethnic group coalition and screw the middle class.

Rudy is a jerk with many lacking personal qualities. But he's been proven effective in the most difficult city to govern, and cleaned up much of the city (Times Square sleaze replaced by ESPN and Disney). Romney is a Mormon, but more disturbingly from a wealthy and privileged background. But he was reasonably effective running his father's business, turning around the SLC Olympics, and governing MA. Fred lacks energy but is a Washington insider who has been around. McCain loves the camera and the press's adoration (and is from an elite background himself), but his personal courage in captivity is without question. Fred, Rudy, and McCain have health issues.

In other words, business as usual.

Anonymous said...

I suspect Van Carter is a secret Ron Paul supporter.
Is that why he doesn´t mention him?
In any case, he nails it everytime. And I do find him funny, unlike Evil Neocon.

Now, if only Evil Neocon had a blog, that would be entertaining! Neocons are a source of unending mirth.

Anonymous said...

In Charleston, South Carolina Fred Thompson awoke from a nap mumbling something about wanting “a "million-member" ground force that includes 775,000 in the Army and 225,000 Marines,” but fell back asleep before explaining why.

He'd better readjust that 5-6% GNP for defense, then. The Constitution says that the Marines are limited to 10% of the Navy's man power; increase the Navy to 2,250,000 sailors and then buy enough ships to put them on and you're probably looking at cementing the ship building vote.

Anonymous said...

Mental abilities can fall sharply after the age of 70, which may explain McCain's (and Gravel's) problems.

But why such lack of concern for Ron Paul? Maybe the reason he isn't sending back any embarassing contributions has something to do with his +70 age?

Anonymous said...

The Constitution says that the Marines are limited to 10% of the Navy's man power - not ben

Where's it say that? The Marine Corps is already more than half the size of the Navy (180k to 341k).

But [Romney] was reasonably effective running his father's business

Romney did not run his father's business. His father did not "have" a business. He was the chairman of American Motors for several years - turned it around, in fact - before getting into politics. Romney after college went to work for Bain, run by a guy with no relation to him; he then was the founding CEO of Bain Capital, an offshoot of the former business.

My argument is that George W's bumbling has placed a huge emphasis on competence. We need a guy who is able to get things done. That gives Republicans two proven candidates: Romney, of Bain/Olympics/Massachusetts experience, or Giuliani, of US Attorney/NYC experience.

Giuliani did a good job as mayor, but in a sense NYC was the city that couldn't fail. There was too much money there counting on his success, and enough brain power to make it so, and enough people fed up with the status quo to cut him some slack. His biggest accomplishment was in fighting crime - everything else about NYC seems to have remained staunchly left-wing.

So Romney or Giuliani?

Well, that leads to George Bush's other problem: his stubbornness. Bush, amongst his other stubbornness, has been willing to ignore for 7 years the express desire of his Party and the voters to control the borders.

Giuliani has expressly stated that he's going to stick to his own ideals, come hell or polar melt. He thinks that's a strength. But assuming, as a leader, that you're always wiser or have spent more time considering the morality of a particular position (like amnesty) is of the highest hubris.

I'll go with the guy who's willing to bend - the guy who seems to understand that, in a democracy, even an executive needs to listen to the will of the people.

Anonymous said...

Mark:
I'll go with the guy who's willing to bend - the guy who seems to understand that, in a democracy, even an executive needs to listen to the will of the people.

Your man is Ron Paul then.